Refocused, Reinvigorated and Ready
A message from Christy, Head Stumbler & Bumbler of beholder.life
Beautifully flawed and fully embraced | There was a moment of darkness but I found my way here. I crawled out on hands and knees, from beneath a veil of loss and depression. Not quite transformed, but refurbished none-the-less and ready to play another day.
I am a work in progress and continue to understand and accept my ever evolving self. I continue to battle to break patterns that distract me from living intentionally. I’m on this path of unlearning & relearning, healing & revealing, accepting & forgiving, shifting & evolving, while making room and saving space. I carry a commitment to embody my humanity and to live beautifully flawed and fully embraced.
Reminding myself each day; you are love and you are loved.
Being diagnosed with ADHD at 45 interrupted life. It came in quiet then imploded and became an internal wrecking ball; disruptive, destructive, distressing. I was unraveling amid frustration which evolved to anger and deepened to grief. The winter sheltered my mourning and protected my heart and allowed the grief of everything I thought I had known swallow me whole. It led to thoughts of time lost and it wildly explained the trajectory my adult life has taken, providing explanation over excuse and validation to reassure me. But the deeper I explored, the further the connection went and the more I recognized the trauma and how I had learned to cope and live with trauma. Never before had I felt more mortal, misguided, abandoned, arrested, embarrassed, and ashamed. I’ve cried a lot in these past months, and I’ve sat with sadness and regret and all the emotional trauma, mistrust, anger and fear that came with it. I am reckoning and with those swirling thoughts, I have come to understand a few things about myself; about how to re-claim peace and myself and begin to re-frame and let go of anticipated constructs.
Beautifully Flawed and Fully Embrace; Resilience just may be my superpower
I have been humbled. Many times over in the past number of years, and I suspect will continue to be as I get closer to and more comfortable with the truth of my being. I will continue to challenge myself, to break down and break through old barricades and structures to find my way evermore towards the light. Always knowing and trusting that every time I get knocked down I will get back up again, just like I’ve always done. Just like I’ve always done.
This healing and revealing journey is one where I greet each day with gratitude, and myself with kindness. The journey, a reminder to celebrate the person that I am and the roads I traveled to arrive here, embodied by my truth, emboldened to live fully as I am, where I am and on the way to where I am meant to be.
I am flawed and I am loved; beautifully flawed and fully embraced.
VOICES CARRY WHEN HEARTS ARE OPEN
Beholdher.life is a space for all who resonate with having lived outside of their truth, who are journeying back to the authentic selves, and for those who are balancing intricate emotions and with high functioning society.
Showcasing an ever-growing collection and documentation of my life; my writing and my art. It’s the food that I make and the mother that I am. It’s the reality that I live. It’s the things that I struggle with. It’s my truth; my human truth. It’s my humanhood.
And, I want it to be real. A real reflection of self; a kindred spirit, a twin flame, a soul mate, garnering radical self-acceptance and reaching the pinnacle of self-love, acceptance and authenticity.
Beholdher.life is a safe space, it’s also:
- A creative space.
- A journeying space.
- An evolving space.
- A tolerant and accepting space.
- A nakedly vulnerable space.
- A loving space.
- An awakening space.
- An awkward space.
- A reflective space.
- A forgiving space, and
… A beautifully flawed and fully embraced space.
In essence, beholdher.life is where I hope to meet myself, my true and authentic self. It’s a space where I am free to be, to wonder, to revel, to feast and to love. A space where I can rediscover my passion for writing, reintroduce myself to the person I abandoned and reconnect with all that I am.
It’s also a destination and stories and photographs and recipes and musings that I share with you, those who know what it takes, or soon will, to radically self-accept and confidently move forward to pursue passion and purpose.
Please regard this space as a safe place, where hearts are open and voices carry, where judgments are rescinded and the pressure to perform is replaced with the art of simply being. I’m so glad you’re here.